The Edgy Dreamer

If you still check in here, I am sorry for the late date, I’ve been back from holiday but handling thousands of email’s, mostly spam here…they also get sent to my personal in box, so I waste scads of time deleteing, so I just threw in my blogging towel temporarily. I finally fixed the issue (I hope!). So, please forgive me, especially ye of faith that have asked after me via email. To answer your q’s: I am fine, life is good…I’m breathing and still standing so that’s a good thing, all else is in flux and will remain that way for a time, and I’m ok with it. really.

Let’s see…what should we talk about - Obamacare? Palin’s unfortunate popularity? Such large subjects loom heavily but right this second due to an attiutudinal problem (lack of sleep) I’m going to say that I just don’t give a rat’s ass tonight, tonight I will just say it’s good to be back and I hope I can write daily again…or should I not make commitments I cannot keep - sigh…

Anything you’d like to say? Please do, click and comment - or e me at lillian.devin@gmail.com

Luv, Zen Lill

This pops up every other day…so sorry I missed it yesterday and please do not ask why it is not an everyday reminder like all of yesterdays posts’ ‘daily reminders’ are, not sure exactly, but it’s changed now - probably was some glitch in my setting of the ‘recurrence’ factor to begin with, that’d be a glitch in my brain, I can’t blame my computer or the upload to my iphone…it was my iForgot : )

So, here it is…and a drum roll please…

Headline: ‘Live the simple life’

My notes:

‘We are our moods, emotions, attitudes…be healthy, have your body/mind/soul in sync, show compassion, kindness and gratitude.

Keys to simplicity: reveal yourself, show your heart, have a sense of humor, and try meditating/visiting your happy place : )’

…and that’s all she wrote (she being me, Zen Lill, tee hee) and Bob’s your uncle!

Btw, I will be in and out of town between July 16-30 so if I write, I write, if I don’t please don’t be upset with me, I shall return : ) just trying to work some bidness and pleasure trips in there ; )

Caio, Luv, Zen Lilli

OK, first the disclaimer: I have not read Eckhard Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ though I have read ‘A New Earth’ and it is my bible of sorts, so I concluded that is OK for me to quote him now from another of his books. I’m figuring that if the statements resonated with me, there might be something in there for you…

In ‘The Power of Now’ - Tolle says, ‘…The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you…You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over…’

Tolle also says, ‘…The mind unconsciously loves problems because they give you an identity of sorts. This is normal, and it is insane. “Problem” means that you are dwelling on a situation mentally without there being any intention or possibility of taking action now and that you are unconsciously making it part of your sense of self…’

And the ‘instrument’ has taken you over if you believe you are your problems…and ‘dwelling’ on a ‘problem’ or situation without taking action is like waiting for someone else to tell you how to handle what only you can ‘fix’ or work with, and most things, short of a death of a person (over which you have no control) is in your power to handle as you see fit to handle it.

I’d give myself a break if someone close to me died, it takes time to work through that one and I’m not sure that ever totally goes away, though I can tell you form experience that eventually the heaviness in you heart and that physically heavy feeling in your chest/belly does go away - time is the healer - and you already knew that : )

That’s it, posted with luv from the Zen of the Lilli for today. Have an excellent weekend, for those of you who noticed (Ed, Cindy…et al) I actually just forgot to blog yesterday, I got caught up in something else and forgot! (and feel free to click and comment or e me @ lillian.devin@gmail.com)

**Ed, I don’t know, can people just accept you as you are? I’d like to believe its possible, sometimes that unconditional love thing is just so difficult when people don’t do or act as you want them to though, no?! hahaha… 

This site is copyright protected : )

In the book, ‘The Mastery Of Love’ - the author, Ruiz - calls this process domestica­tion…and he says:

 ‘…We domesticate humans the same way we domesticate a dog or any other animal: with punishment and reward…What we call education is nothing but the domestication of the human being…We are afraid to be punished, but later we are also afraid of not getting the reward, of not being good enough for Mom or Dad, sibling or teacher. The need to be accepted is born. Before that we don’t care whether we are accepted or not. People’s opinions are not important…and we live in the present. The fear of not getting the reward becomes the fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough for someone else is what makes us try to change, what makes us create an image. Then we try to project that image according to what they want us to be, just to be ac­cepted, just to have the reward…We learn to pretend to be what we are not…Soon we forget who we really are, and we start to live our images…’

 YUCK…I’m not doing that : ( and I don’t care who wants me to ; )

 The above sounds very similar to what Eckhard Tolle said about ‘becoming our roles’ as opposed to being who we are and doing things according to what the needs the present moment send our way…so, beware of the roles you play in life…they can make you portray an inauthentic self and that’s no fun at all, and hard to keep doing when you wake up and smell the coffee (of life) : )

 Roles: they perpetuate myths about how life is, how your life in relations to others in it is, and how and what things you need to do to protect the highs and lows with people particularly your closest companion - when all that is truly necessary is giving your undivided attention to the person (or matter at hand) - THAT, that is love, and that is it from Zen Lilli for today…

 Oh ok, I’ll add this: try emptying your mind of random thoughts and emotions, they get in the way of creating your reality, which can be very blissful in each moment if you allow it.

 And one more thing : ) ‘make peace with your past so you don’t screw up your present’ - I”m throwing that in just bc I love that statement.

 **commenter Cindy, I am not against religion per se, I admire devotional thoughts and actions, my bitch is when a religion (as dictated by man bc God is not present in church every Sunday) tries to control women and how they feel through doctrine. And btw, I do have a special place in my pysche for the predicaments of men (not necessarily the religious sort) also. They have to give up a lot and sometimes in return, well they may not get much in return, hmm, thanks for handing me blog fodder for upcoming entries.   

 Thoughts/comments, click and write or e me @ Lillian.devin@gmail.com

 Caio for now, Luv, Zen Lilli

OK, it’s 5am. I’m up and my email is loaded, mostly from males…

…stating and refuting the below ‘revelations’ (sorry, E, you’ve gotten the no uh-uh on the stats, though I stand by the 70% of divorces # myself) the assertion that 90% of men do not want to be married was nixed by the MEN more than women emailers, which speaks for itself, hmm, and the women initiating of marriage was shot down also, men want the best and will pursue it (said female) to take her off the market (more or less on the wording, it was called several things, some complimentary, some not…) so there’s my semi-retraction, thanks for all the responses, you were all very fervent in your opinions, and no worries, I am not offended, just seeking to understand and now maybe I’m no closer but I can research along different lines. FYI, my last statements re ’suppressing natural sex urges’ amomgst females is within the mongamous long term relationship, where society (and men) always think it comes so much more naturally for women, um, I think not, we just handle it differently ; ) and no I will not go into details. Thansk again, read below with an open mind to what I’ve just stated above, thanks : )

While doing research on a =:hot:= topic - ‘women and men on marriage’ and I’ll share my friends’ truth in a mo’ but first I’d like to brag about how right on and ‘on the money’ my response to commenter Daryl was yesterday about a truism I’d touched on the day before (are you confused yet?) - and I’ll warn you here, this one is a bit long but so informative you won’t be sorry ; )

Below I cut and paste my insight from blog entry on June 30…‘Women and the Complacency Factor’ …my comments in bold italics

- ‘…My question since I was seventeen was always - Ok, wait a minute, if women are ‘whores’ and ’sluts’ if they screw more than the one man (preferably her hubby) and are sexually, um, knowledgable, then who are all these ‘experienced’ men getting it on with? Oh, other ‘whores’ and ’sluts,’ - I see…uh-huh or we could just say in an equal fashion that ‘experienced men’ have set about getting experienced with ‘experienced women’ and not the paid for kind, but - the randy kind, the kind they are…hahaha…anyway, I digressed there…’

…and now for my response to commenter Daryl below…

**Daryl, (male or female?), um, my point is/was that women often lead lives of pleasing the ‘mores’ of society, in this blog entry case, I meant why are women ’sluts’ and men ‘experienced’? It seems the wording alone is meant to throw women off and make them ‘behave’ sexually. I’m not condoning promiscuous sex for men or women, by the way. I’m from the old school of ‘if it feels good, do it’ - within parameters that feel right to both parties/partners. If that means monogamy to both people, so be it. If that means an ‘open relationship’ while using condoms (safety first!) with everyone involved including primary partner, so be it, and the options are numerous…that stuff is between you and your partner. I only know my own non-negotiables; I assume you know yours. There’s plenty to ‘negotiate’ about without ever getting bored as far as I’m concerned ; )

Little did I know what I was onto…women are often thought of as ‘naturally monogamous’ and men, well, we all know how ‘visual’ they are and how their prime time is at 18 and how sexual, blah blah blah THEY are (and what we need to do to keep them reigned in and monogamous)…and now about their sexual ‘not so prime time’ (not that it goes away all together but Viagra and other assistance definitely comes in handy ; ) and is top of mind for men after forty.

Ah well, now let’s talk about women’s ‘naturally monogamous time’ - that’d be oh-about 18 - 40(?) - (as an aside, if there was a time I really don’t recall it, as I mentioned before my parents were so uptight they never discussed sex in any way so I had no guidance i.e. no guilt either, lucky me) and now for that female ‘prime time’ - oooowww, uh yeah, that’d be after forty…oh what to do bc now women usually have marriages and families (and maybe even a cheating fool of a hubby) so what do you do with that info? It gets even hotter for women after menopause (oh boy, teenage boys beware…hahaha…ole’ Mrs. Robinson is waiting for you)

Soooo, what my friend was pointing out just happens to be all true. I’m sorry I doubted your info’s accuracy and I had the need to ‘trust and verify’ but I wouldn’t be my feisty self without acting (or, er, reacting, hee hee) that way, now would I? 

Here are those truisms - but first: a very sincere thanks to you, E, I had no idea what amazing info I would stumble onto while researching, it’s made understanding myself easier and that’s always a blessing.

#1 Women most often initiate marriage - 80% of the time (oh yes, that biological clock, need for kidlets, a chance to prove our ‘naturally monogamous’ tendencies? - yeah, right ; )

#2 Women initiate 70-75% of divorces…

#3 90% of men do not want to get married.

…and here’s back up to this notion, I’ll post more from this site ‘women’s infidelity’ another time this week, but get this:

‘…Society makes it difficult for women to make a conscious decision about marriage, let alone fidelity. Girls have always been taught from a young age that men do not want to marry women who have been with numerous sexual partners. At the same time, we entice girls with romantic notions surrounding meeting the right man, getting married and living happily ever after. Many women end up denying and/or suppressing their natural sexual desires in order to get married.

These two beliefs are taught simultaneously to girls and they are the cause of many women’s high and unrealistic expectations of marriage. Men, on the other hand, are taught that marriage is definitely something they’ll want to postpone. Marriage for men means loss of freedom and a reduction in sexual partners. So men have a lower expectation of marriage from the beginning. Women are more likely to be let down by marriage; it just isn’t as great as they thought it was going to be. But men may find that it’s better than they thought, since many of them had expected it to suck in the first place. Men have nowhere to go but up and women have nowhere to go but down due to their preconceived expectations.

Oh man, now what do we all do with each other now?? 

Click and comment or e me @ Lillian.devin@gmail.com

Luv, Zen Lill - I will get to other comments left today, um, tomorrow…OK?

Wow, mega-apologies, so sorry…I didn’t realize that I would skip Friday, and this past Friday wasn’t just a prelude to any weekend, it was the 4th of July and so a few of you found yourselves abandoned, and decided to go all ‘postal’ on me. ahahaha…

Well, OK, I can accept that…

And maybe I should decide to just blog everyday Mon-Fri (thought I’d already committed to that, but see how I am? I blow off a day here and there and I forgive myself, now how about some gentleness from you all?), now that I’ve said it again, I will recommit, that’s right you heard it - again…sigh…(oh why, oh why do I lie?)

Let me get to your comments from last week now then…

**Bobby, (not Revel) - you say that ‘money is key’ ok so you take issue with my good ole’ Bob Dylan quote - reprinted for those who did not see it: What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan. Well, Bob (not Revel or Dylan) you may have a point, I know I like to live a simpler life but even that costs money I sometimes do not have, so - maybe you’re right. But allow me this Q: what is your definition of a sucessful man then, just financial sucess or is there more, (to you personally I mean)? And listen, it is totally cool with me if you just see ca$h as the ultimate goal, it is your life to live, who am I to judge?

**Donna, making yourself wrong is definitely different than your conscience. Your conscience is your personal barometer for what’s on track and what’s off track (to you, in your own life) and making yourself wrong is making a decision about your life and then beating yourself up about it, if it’s that painful, why not rethink the sitch or explore other options? If you’re busy beating yourself up, it might not be the correct choice(s), if you’re accepting and gentle with yourself, you’re more likely to feel inspired to carry through. I, personally, am so fortunate in this regard, I have a few people in my life that free-form thinkers (meaning, they are not remotely your average Jane/Joe, they’re completely open-minded, and I love that) and they often assist this wretch (me, hahaha) in seeking my own truth via unusual q&a sessions, and I love that, too, it’s invaluable and no amount of ca$h could replace these persons (but it’d be in the millions if only big $’s flipped my switch and I could sell them off).

**Daryl, (male or female?), um, my point is/was that women often lead lives of pleasing the ‘mores’ of society, in this blog entry case, I meant why are women ’sluts’ and men ‘experienced’? It seems the wording alone is meant to throw women off and make them ‘behave’ sexually. I’m not condoning promiscouos sex for men or women, by the way. I’m from the old school of ‘if it feels good, do it’ - within parameters that feel right to both parties/partners. If that means monogamy to both people, so be it. If that means an ‘open relationship’ while using condoms (safety first!) with everyone involved including primary partner, so be it, and the options are numerous…that stuff is between you and your partner. I only know my own non-negotiables, I assume you know yours. There’s plenty to ‘negotiate’ about without ever getting bored as far as I’m concerned ; )

Alright, it’s late in the aft, gotta run so I can get started on my blog ideas for the rest of the week : )

Comments on the comment responses, click and write or e me @ lillian.devin@gmail.com

Luv, Zen Lilli

First, this quote:

‘I am convinced that there is a place in hell for women who do not help each other,”  Madeleine Korbel Albright 

Have I mentioned that I love this woman? She was a trail-blazing babe, if she were younger and interested I’d campaign for her for president : )

Ok, now let’s talk about that complacency factor amongst women - I am (in keeping with my nature) going to add in my two cents and rachet the whole enchilada of a subject up by adding in the sexuality factor to this complex complacency factor and the end result is probably - complex : )

Oh c’mon, you knew that was coming, no?

Women have been indoctrinated (follow me here) and religion has done it for them for years, decades, centuries in fact…now, the net result is women indoctrinate themselves and other women, their own daughters. Not me though…not going to happen…but back to the religion thing for a mo’ - bc it has been the controlling factor.

Think about it, if women’s largest role was that of bearing and raising of children, it would behoove her to have a man who could bring home the bacon (or mastadon), he’d be physically strong enough to do that and other backbreaking work she cannot do, and it would be nice if the offspring looked a bit like him so he’s assured that they are his and that will probably make him want to stay around and protect them (and you) since you did that baby making work…

…or he might be out spreading more seeds with more women (as if the world just wouldn’t make it without his large gene pool contributions, oh please) and then several of the womenfolk get to do the man’s work in addition to her own whilst he populates the region, or just gets lots of practice ; ) and the women wouldn’t even notice that the work went well without male supervision (see how slickly this inculcation goes and how deep it runs).

Wow, see how nicely that ‘I must spread my seed’ rap has worked for men? Hahaha…especially Mormon men, what other religion could con women into doing it with a man 3x’s her age and then claim to like the arrangement, uh, yeah ok right…but women are complicit in this agreement and I partially blame religion, and I partly blame the women who are not religious on being too competitive with other females so much so that they’d rather get nothing done as far as female rights go, bc it’d mean having to drop the competitive BS (and that’s mostly about and over men).

 - uh, wake up, ladies, men will come and go (oh nice pun) but don’t go throwing your commadres under the bus for a man, in fact, don’t throw yourself there either. A man would not do that for you, believe me, I’ll repeat that in better words, there are a lot of things men will do for their women but they will not throw themselves under a bus for you (literally or figuratively), nor should they, and so, nor should you. Got that? Any questions?

Now on another note…

My question since I was seventeen was always - Ok, wait a minute, if women are ‘whores’ and ’sluts’ if they screw more than the one man (preferably her hubby) and are sexually, um, knowledegable, then who are all these ‘experienced’ men getting it on with? Oh, other ‘whores’ and ’sluts,’ - I see…uh-huh or we could just say in an equal fashion that experienced men have set about getting experienced with ‘experienced women’ and not the paid for kind, but - the randy kind, the kind they are…hahaha…anyway, I digressed there…

So….all this religious thought has gotten us is bible thumping women who actually believe, like their men have told them, that only men can teach, that women’s duty is this and that, that only good women sleep with one man all her life, that terminating an unwanted pregnancy is ’sinful’ (oh how’s that work when men often walk out on the work of the child rearing) that wanting other than to serve them, er, I mean - the LORD (them, hahaha) is what they should be wanting instead…

Is it any wonder women are where they are in this world? Women make up 56% of the voting public in the US and yet very few females are holding high office, hmmm….

Ahhh - it’s bc we have so much to deal with and from all angles. Yep, and then throw in some hormonal moments (as I’ve mentioned before here though, men, that’s no excuse - women become just as astute at handling their monthly issues as men do at handling a razor daily so they don’t slit their throat by accident, believe it : )

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent bc we all have to do it sometimes…

oh yeah, did I mention I’m PMSing, ahahaha…just kidding, I’m fine ; )

Thoughts/comments, click and write or e me at Lillian.devin@gmail.com

Peace out ; ) Luv, Zen Lill

What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

I can only add that this goes for women as well, I’m sure Bob meant it that way, too.

My point, let’s open up our definition of sucess a little bc I can tell you that having money/material things is all well and good but that is not the total measure of sucess in my book (and not in Bob’s either and that dude’s got ca$h) - a few of the finer things if I may point them out is in seeing the beauty in life, in your life, in whatever form it comes in, mostly look at your relational skills (and not just with a primary person) and if it’s not looking so good, not measuring up as what you bargained for, well then take a good gentle look at yourself, figure out how you created your current status and analyze what will inspire you to act, be and do differently when next given a chance to do so…

…and don’t spend too much time kicking yourself for past transgressions, it’ll only make you ‘wrong’ in your own eyes…needless to say, that’s not a good starting point…

Trust yourself to make better decisions about what to do in your waking hours that will make you feel sucessful…

caio for now, Luv, Zen Lill

Michael Jackson, American icon dies at 50, that’s sad…so young, so talented…

I’ll just post a favorite video, an oldie but goodie, the one where America fell in love with Michael, and then I call it a day, and since it’s Friday I think I’ll just call it a weekend : )

I heard a rumor I make too many rigid ‘rules’ for commenting, anyone agree?? bc I’ve always found you all to be quite open in e-mailing me personally and giving your real (or fake) names, so I’m a little taken aback by this commenters take on me, then again he/she signed themselves as ‘anonymous and proud of it’ hahaha…have it your way ‘Proud of it’ I’d be hurt if you didn’t (have it your way)…

enjoy the weekend, Luv, Zen Lill

**This site is copyright protected. ; ) I have to say that - if you want to borrow a write or give me ‘link love’ just e me at lillian.devin@gmail.com - thanks!