OK, it’s 5am. I’m up and my email is loaded, mostly from males…
…stating and refuting the below ‘revelations’ (sorry, E, you’ve gotten the no uh-uh on the stats, though I stand by the 70% of divorces # myself) the assertion that 90% of men do not want to be married was nixed by the MEN more than women emailers, which speaks for itself, hmm, and the women initiating of marriage was shot down also, men want the best and will pursue it (said female) to take her off the market (more or less on the wording, it was called several things, some complimentary, some not…) so there’s my semi-retraction, thanks for all the responses, you were all very fervent in your opinions, and no worries, I am not offended, just seeking to understand and now maybe I’m no closer but I can research along different lines. FYI, my last statements re ’suppressing natural sex urges’ amomgst females is within the mongamous long term relationship, where society (and men) always think it comes so much more naturally for women, um, I think not, we just handle it differently ; ) and no I will not go into details. Thansk again, read below with an open mind to what I’ve just stated above, thanks : )
While doing research on a =:hot:= topic - ‘women and men on marriage’ and I’ll share my friends’ truth in a mo’ but first I’d like to brag about how right on and ‘on the money’ my response to commenter Daryl was yesterday about a truism I’d touched on the day before (are you confused yet?) - and I’ll warn you here, this one is a bit long but so informative you won’t be sorry ; )
Below I cut and paste my insight from blog entry on June 30…‘Women and the Complacency Factor’ …my comments in bold italics
- ‘…My question since I was seventeen was always - Ok, wait a minute, if women are ‘whores’ and ’sluts’ if they screw more than the one man (preferably her hubby) and are sexually, um, knowledgable, then who are all these ‘experienced’ men getting it on with? Oh, other ‘whores’ and ’sluts,’ - I see…uh-huh or we could just say in an equal fashion that ‘experienced men’ have set about getting experienced with ‘experienced women’ and not the paid for kind, but - the randy kind, the kind they are…hahaha…anyway, I digressed there…’
…and now for my response to commenter Daryl below…
**Daryl, (male or female?), um, my point is/was that women often lead lives of pleasing the ‘mores’ of society, in this blog entry case, I meant why are women ’sluts’ and men ‘experienced’? It seems the wording alone is meant to throw women off and make them ‘behave’ sexually. I’m not condoning promiscuous sex for men or women, by the way. I’m from the old school of ‘if it feels good, do it’ - within parameters that feel right to both parties/partners. If that means monogamy to both people, so be it. If that means an ‘open relationship’ while using condoms (safety first!) with everyone involved including primary partner, so be it, and the options are numerous…that stuff is between you and your partner. I only know my own non-negotiables; I assume you know yours. There’s plenty to ‘negotiate’ about without ever getting bored as far as I’m concerned ; )
Little did I know what I was onto…women are often thought of as ‘naturally monogamous’ and men, well, we all know how ‘visual’ they are and how their prime time is at 18 and how sexual, blah blah blah THEY are (and what we need to do to keep them reigned in and monogamous)…and now about their sexual ‘not so prime time’ (not that it goes away all together but Viagra and other assistance definitely comes in handy ; ) and is top of mind for men after forty.
Ah well, now let’s talk about women’s ‘naturally monogamous time’ - that’d be oh-about 18 - 40(?) - (as an aside, if there was a time I really don’t recall it, as I mentioned before my parents were so uptight they never discussed sex in any way so I had no guidance i.e. no guilt either, lucky me) and now for that female ‘prime time’ - oooowww, uh yeah, that’d be after forty…oh what to do bc now women usually have marriages and families (and maybe even a cheating fool of a hubby) so what do you do with that info? It gets even hotter for women after menopause (oh boy, teenage boys beware…hahaha…ole’ Mrs. Robinson is waiting for you)
Soooo, what my friend was pointing out just happens to be all true. I’m sorry I doubted your info’s accuracy and I had the need to ‘trust and verify’ but I wouldn’t be my feisty self without acting (or, er, reacting, hee hee) that way, now would I?
Here are those truisms - but first: a very sincere thanks to you, E, I had no idea what amazing info I would stumble onto while researching, it’s made understanding myself easier and that’s always a blessing.
#1 Women most often initiate marriage - 80% of the time (oh yes, that biological clock, need for kidlets, a chance to prove our ‘naturally monogamous’ tendencies? - yeah, right ; )
#2 Women initiate 70-75% of divorces…
#3 90% of men do not want to get married.
…and here’s back up to this notion, I’ll post more from this site ‘women’s infidelity’ another time this week, but get this:
‘…Society makes it difficult for women to make a conscious decision about marriage, let alone fidelity. Girls have always been taught from a young age that men do not want to marry women who have been with numerous sexual partners. At the same time, we entice girls with romantic notions surrounding meeting the right man, getting married and living happily ever after. Many women end up denying and/or suppressing their natural sexual desires in order to get married.
These two beliefs are taught simultaneously to girls and they are the cause of many women’s high and unrealistic expectations of marriage. Men, on the other hand, are taught that marriage is definitely something they’ll want to postpone. Marriage for men means loss of freedom and a reduction in sexual partners. So men have a lower expectation of marriage from the beginning. Women are more likely to be let down by marriage; it just isn’t as great as they thought it was going to be. But men may find that it’s better than they thought, since many of them had expected it to suck in the first place. Men have nowhere to go but up and women have nowhere to go but down due to their preconceived expectations.
Oh man, now what do we all do with each other now??
Click and comment or e me @ Lillian.devin@gmail.com
Luv, Zen Lill - I will get to other comments left today, um, tomorrow…OK?